The Hopeful Heart
by Shirl
Summary: COMPLETED-An alternate version of the events surrounding the Be Still My Heart and All In The Family episodes.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from ER. They are the property of Warner Brothers, etc. 

Author's Note: THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 6, in particular, for the last episode seen at the time of writing - "Be Still My Heart". This is my own version of what could have happened. I've made further comments after the story. 

TITLE: The Hopeful Heart AUTHOR: Shirley yoshinaka@sprint.ca 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

All he wanted to do was sleep. Float away into unconsciousness. But an insistent part of his brain screamed at him to stay awake. Maybe he had lost consciousness for a while. He wasn't sure. But he knew he was awake now because of the pain. It seemed to engulf his entire being and he couldn't think. 

He opened his eyes a crack and stared at the floor, his cheek pressed against the smooth, hard surface. His gaze traveled along the tiles until he saw her again. God, her blood was everywhere. He couldn't tell where she'd been stabbed. Maybe she was already dead. 

*No, no, no!* his mind screamed at him. *Get up! Help her!* 

"Lucy," he moaned. He tried to raise his head but almost passed out again as a wave of fresh pain assaulted him. He slumped once more against the floor. 

Although his voice had barely been above a whisper, she must have heard him. Her eyes fluttered open and stared into his, the shock and anguish clearly readable even in the dim light. 

At first, it seemed her lips were moving soundlessly. Then he thought he heard her say, "I'm cold." Her voice was so faint, he couldn't be sure. But she was alive. Barely. 

*I have to get help* Gathering all the strength in his reserves, he started to drag himself across the floor, leaving a streak of red behind him. Panting and sweating from the exertion, he only managed to crawl six inches towards the door. *We're going to die. We're both going to bleed to death right here and die* He tried to get himself moving again but he couldn't do it. Even though his eyes were open, his vision was reducing to a thin line. He wasn't able to fight it any longer. *I'm sorry, Lucy* Then all went black. 

*************** 

Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Kerry Weaver smiled as she approached the admit area, even though the music battered her ears. The pounding beat wasn't to her taste but she didn't think anyone would appreciate her suggestion of switching to Mozart. Several people glanced at her warily, just waiting for her demand to 'turn down the damned music'. But she only nodded her head serenely, greeting them with a cheerful hello. 

"Would you like a candy?" 

She looked up to see Luka Kovac holding out a half-eaten box of chocolates towards her. Plucking one out of the box, she thanked him and chewed on the sticky sweetness. "So how's the party?" 

He lifted his eyebrows slightly and grinned. "A little too noisy, I think. You don't mind?" 

She shrugged. "Nah, let them enjoy it. It can only last until the next trauma comes in." 

She headed towards the lounge, grateful that the music was reduced to a more distant throbbing in the hallway. Starting to unbutton her coat as she walked, her always observant eye caught a red smudge on the wall near an exam room door. Frowning, she peered at it more closely. She knew blood when she saw it and this looked liked a smeared hand print. 

Kerry opened the door, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the darkened room. "Hello? Is someone..." Her voice trailed off as she finally glanced down. She recognized him instantly, even without seeing his face and for a split second, she was rooted to the spot in horror. 

Jerking herself out of her stupor, she felt the adrenaline kick in as she threw aside her purse. She knelt down and felt for a pulse at his neck. It was weak, but it was there. Only then did she notice another prone body lying a few feet away. "Oh, God," she breathed, feeling sick. 

Without wasting anymore precious seconds, she practically flew to the door. "I need some help in here!" she screamed, startling a nurse that had just been walking by. 

Luka was coming out of the men's room and he saw Kerry poking her head out of the doorway. He ran up to her, worried by the intense emotion in her face. In all the months he had known her, he'd never seen fear in her eyes. Until now. "What is it, Kerry?" 

"Lucy and Carter have been stabbed." 

Without hesitation, Luka stepped past her into the room. Kerry looked at the young nurse who seemed unsure as to what to do. "Everyone is by the admit desk. Run over there and get more help. And call for security. Whoever did this might be running loose in the hospital." 

Her eyes wide, the woman nodded and ran down the hall, her feet pounding in time to the music. 

*************** 

Carter felt as though he were swimming through mud, struggling to reach the surface. He was drowning. 

With a ragged gasp, he opened his eyes, tossing his head from side to side. 

"Easy, Carter. Shhh." 

A gentle hand stroked his brow and the soothing voice told him to relax. Still trembling, he tried to calm the erratic beat of his heart. 

"What happened?" he asked, his voice raspy. 

Carol Hathaway gave him a reassuring smile. "You gave us quite a scare. But you're going to be fine." 

"What happened?" he asked again, frowning as he searched his memory. His mind was a blank. 

"You don't remember anything?" 

"No. Wait, I...I was in the exam room. Something...someone stabbed me in the back." He remembered the unbearable agony, crashing to the floor, looking into her eyes. "Lucy," he whispered, his gaze sliding uneasily to Carol's face, afraid of what he'd find there. 

Biting her lip, she regarded him with sadness in her dark eyes. Before she could speak, the door to the recovery room swung open. Robert Romano strode in, with Peter Benton just behind him. 

"So you're awake. That's a good sign." Robert spoke tersely, though he looked as calm and unflappable as always. 

"Is Lucy...?" Carter couldn't bring himself to say the word. 

"She's alive," Peter said quickly, but his expression still looked grim. 

"We just got out of surgery," Robert said. "Her injuries were much more extensive than yours. The psycho got her real good. Multiple stab wounds to the back, chest, and abdomen. There was also a shallow one to the neck that almost..." 

"I think we get the point," Carol cut in sharply, fixing Robert with a cold stare. Did the man have no sense at all? With every word he'd spoken, she could almost see Carter getting more and more pale, if that was possible. 

"But she's alive." Carter hung onto that one thought, desperate to believe that she'd be all right. 

"Yes she is. But frankly, it doesn't look good." For the first time, Robert allowed himself to show some remorse. He would never admit it to anyone, but he'd grown rather fond of the young med student. She'd had perseverance and the guts to stand up to him. It was a shame to have her life cut short. "I don't expect her to make it through the night." 

The words hit him like a sharp blow to his stomach and Carter's breath caught in his throat. So she was going to die after all. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this. 

"But there's always a chance she'll pull through," Peter added. 

"A slim chance," Robert said shortly. 

"Yes, but it's better than nothing," Peter said, the irritation clearly evident in his voice as he regarded Romano. "We shouldn't give up hope." 

"Hope is a waste of my time." 

With those parting words, Robert turned away and stalked out of the room. 

Carol shook her head, grateful that he'd left. She returned her attention to Carter. He appeared to be struggling with an effort to hold back tears and she felt a lump form in her own throat. 

"I can't...I can't forget the way she looked at me," he said softly, his voice haunted. "Her eyes. I tried to help her. I wanted to but I couldn't do anything." 

"I know. I know." Carol stood up and put her arms around him, rocking slightly back and forth. "It's okay." 

He accepted the embrace, clutching at her shirt. Except for the sound of his shuddering breaths, he cried almost silently, the warm tears trickling down his cheeks. 

Peter stood by in uncomfortable silence, his head bowed. Despite his optimistic words about hope, he knew that Lucy would most likely die within the next few hours. The surgeons had done all they could for her. The only thing left to do now was pray. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

3 WEEKS LATER 

Carter opened the door and peeked into the chapel. Relieved to find it empty, he made his way inside. He sat near the back, grimacing as a twinge shot up his spine. His wound was still tender and would be for some time. Although he insisted to everyone around him that he felt fine, he still got tired easily. He wouldn't be able to return to work full time for at least another month, but at least they'd allowed him to do some paperwork. That was the most he could handle right now. 

He wasn't sure why he'd come here. What was it he was looking for? He shouldn't really feel guilty about what had happened but for some reason, he did. There were a lot of things he could have done differently; other choices he could have made. 

He felt as if he had another death on his conscience. He wasn't directly responsible, of course. But that didn't make it any easier. 

He frowned as he heard the chapel door creaking open. He'd really wanted to escape here to be alone. Maybe he should go elsewhere. Turning his head to see who it was, his face broke into a smile. 

"Thank you, Luka. I'm fine right here." 

"Okay. I should come back in a half hour?" 

"Yes, that's fine." 

As Luka walked back towards the door, he spotted Carter sitting in the last pew. He gave a brief wave before closing the door behind him. 

"It's nice to see you up and about," Carter said. 

"Carter! You scared the heck out of me." Lucy had to twist her head around to glare at him. Her wheelchair was set in the middle aisle, several rows in front of him. 

Getting to his feet, he gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Guess you didn't see me." He came around to her side and sat down on a nearby pew. 

"Are you escaping from the reporters too?" she asked. 

"Yeah. They've been hounding me all day." He gave her a concerned look. "They haven't been bothering you, have they?" 

"It hasn't been too bad. Dr. Weaver gave them an official comment and then basically told them to stay away from me if they didn't want a nasty lawsuit on their hands." 

They sat in reflective silence for a while. It was a miracle that he was even talking to Lucy right now. Everyone, even he, had believed that she would die that day. But somehow she had pulled through and survived. He'd been lucky that the knife had just nicked his kidney. Another half an inch over and he'd probably be sitting here with a missing organ. 

"I know it's crazy," Lucy said slowly. "Considering the guy tried to kill me. And you. But I feel kind of guilty about what happened to him." 

"You shouldn't. If anyone is to blame, it's me. You're the med student. I'm the resident. I should have made sure he got the help he needed." 

Carter still agonized over it, even now. He should have put Paul Sobriki in restraints himself. If he had, Lucy wouldn't have endured the brutal attack. She wouldn't be facing a long, slow road to recovery. And Paul wouldn't have become overcome with guilt at his actions and jumped off the building. 

"You're not to blame, Carter. Maybe we should blame the people who let him get away and onto the roof. How could that have happened?" 

He shook his head. He had no answer for that one. He hadn't even known it was Paul who had stabbed them both until Kerry had mentioned that he'd been caught. Security had found him in an empty room on the sixth floor, huddled in a corner and still clutching the bloody knife. After being whisked away by the police, he'd been held in a psychiatric hospital to await trial. When he'd become lucid again, he'd been horrified to learn that he'd almost killed two people. Apparently, over the last few weeks, he'd become depressed and suicidal. 

How on earth he could have made it up to the roof of the psych hospital before anyone had stopped him, Carter didn't know. But somehow he had found a way and had jumped to his death. 

The stabbing of two staff members at County had already made headlines in the news. Now with Paul's suicide today, the phone hadn't stopped ringing. Reporters had tried to come into the ER but Kerry already had security waiting for them. After giving them a brief comment, she'd had them booted out the door. And Carter had finally asked Randi to start screening his calls. He'd gotten tired of saying 'no comment'. 

"I guess we should just try to put this whole thing behind us," he said. It sounded like such a cliche, but that was the best they could do. 

"I guess." Lucy realized she didn't sound too convinced as she caught Carter's probing gaze. "Have I mentioned that my mom is flying in tomorrow?" she asked. 

"No, you didn't." He knew her mother had come to Chicago immediately upon learning that her daughter was critically injured. She'd stayed for two weeks, an almost constant presence by Lucy's side. 

"I'm going to be released from County in a few days. Then I'm going back home with her." 

"For how long?" 

"I don't know. I'm taking a break from school. I'm not dropping out or anything," she added quickly. "I just need some time off." 

"That's perfectly understandable." 

"Is it?" She sounded doubtful. 

"Of course it is. You've been through hell, Lucy. You need time to recover. Physically and mentally." 

He'd never heard her speak about the attack. At least not to him. Although she seemed fine, he wondered how she really felt. 

"I'll be honest with you," she said softly, her eyes meeting his. "I don't think I can come back here again. I still have nightmares about it." 

So obviously she wasn't fine. And he couldn't blame her. Sliding over in the pew, he placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. "The nightmares will fade. Just give yourself time. And if you need to get away from County, then do it. Whatever you have to do to get on with your life. Just don't forget to drop by sometime and say hello. Let me know how you're doing." 

With a small sigh, Lucy allowed herself to rest her head against his shoulder. Sharing the comfortable silence, neither of them spoke again for a long time. 

THE END 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Author's Additional Notes: Rumour has it that Lucy will not survive the attack. That's not how I wanted the character to exit the show, so I've written this short continuation of "Be Still My Heart". Yes, it's farfetched, I know. But hopefully I've managed to entertain you anyway while still keeping Lucy alive. 

~*~* Shirl :) 

Shirley's Corner http://shirl.scriptmania.com 


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